Happy Thursday! Enjoy today's post and giveaway. Publisher Sandra Knauf is offering 5 copies of Fifty Shades of Green to the first 5 who sign up for her newsletter on florasforum.com U.S. only.
The Gods Screw Around
In teaching Greek mythology, one thing becomes apparent right away: the gods screw around. A lot. Not only that, their lovers often wind up as trees, plants, or flowers. So when I saw the guidelines for Fifty Shades of Green, my mind immediately went to mythology. Since I wanted to do a male/male story, this also worked since the Greek gods didn’t discriminate between genders. The challenge came in making sure that the protagonist, Eric, was a willing participant. Greek gods seldom asked for permission.
I had my idea, now I needed my plot. I went for a humorous take on the Judgement of Paris, which ended up causing the Trojan war. Eric doesn’t have to decide which goddess is the most beautiful, but which god is the better lover. It’s going to be a challenge, and a dangerous decision to make.
I prefer writing and reading erotica in first person, but I already knew how I wanted the story to end. That ending wouldn’t work in first person so I reluctantly switched to third. However, I’m happy with the results, and I hope you will be too.
Excerpt from Fifty Shades of Green, “The Judgment of Eric”
Eric spun around and was struck speechless by the two men who stood on the wooly thyme he had gotten as a buy one, get one free. Both were young and beautiful. The one on the left had dark hair that hung down past his shoulders and a light beard around his chin. His complexion was dark, sun-kissed. And to Eric’s astonishment, he seemed to only be wearing a grape vine, strategically entwined around his body. One broad leaf covered his loins, and it twitched when Eric looked.
The one on the right had golden hair, and light seemed to glow around him. Eric could see a quiver of arrows over the man’s shoulder. He held a harp at his waist, half covering his cock, but just barely.
“It’s a lyre, actually,” the golden one said.
It took a minute for Eric to process this. His ears and mind had stopped working as all his blood seemed to be pouring into the stiffest erection he ever remembered having.
“It’s not a harp. It’s a lyre.”
“Okay,” Eric mumbled, not really caring—except that he wanted the man to move it a few inches to the right.
“Ahem. Shall we get down to the goal of our visit?”
The voice came from neither man but belonged to a woman. It was a pleasant voice, but as soon as the words entered his ears, all sexual desire vanished. Eric was left panting and wanting the woman to go away.
He turned towards the woman he hadn’t noticed to tell her off, but stopped immediately. He gulped instead.
The woman stood at least seven feet tall. Or at least the top of her helmet did. She held a spear even taller. She had a breastplate on and a tunic. She was beautiful but, Eric had to admit, really scary.
“I am Athena, goddess of wisdom. My brothers here have had a quarrel and it has been decided to have a mortal judge between them. They have chosen you.”
Listening to her brought him a type of clarity he had never had before. He could ignore the sensuality of the two men behind him and concentrate again. Though what she said was so outlandish, he knew it was true. He also began to remember some of his college mythology class. Athena. Goddess of Wisdom and War. A virgin goddess. That explained why his erection had vanished when she spoke.
Athena scowled and Eric realized that she could also read his mind.
She had said her brothers. He risked a glance back at the two men. Grapevine must be Dionysus. Bow and lyre, Apollo. Eric was glad now that the mythology class had fit into his schedule.
Then he remembered what Athena had said. He was going to be a judge between two gods. That never ended well.
“What kind of disagreement?”
“They are arguing about which one of them is the better lover.”
A quick succession of thoughts and emotions ran through his brain faster than he thought possible. Joy. Lust. Fear. Terror.
“Best lover? And I’m going to judge? How?” he said.
He never would have thought Athena would smirk, but she did.
“I thought that would be rather obvious.”
He glanced back at the two gods. Apollo had put his lyre aside. He wasn’t erect yet, but even so, Eric knew that none of those statues had ever done the god justice. Had not even come close.
“Why me?” he squeaked. He hated the way his voice betrayed him.
This time Apollo spoke. “You show homage to both of us, Eric. You grow laurel and hyacinths, both special to me. And of course, grapes are the province of my brother.”
Eric looked towards Dionysus. The grapevine had shifted and was no longer strategically placed. He felt his own erection stiffening once again.
“And it’s obvious you are of an inclination to help,” Dionysus said.
Eric couldn’t deny that, but there was still a part of his brain screaming in terror.
Blurb and buy links
Fifty Shades of Green is a garden of naughty delights!
Within our pages you'll discover:
- Virile gods and their mortal conquests.
- A community garden’s secret (and very dirty) fertility ritual.
- An Edwardian dominatrix living out her sadistic garden fantasies.
- Student/teacher lessons in horticultural hotness.
- Young lovers seeking the help of green witches.
- A beautiful, blind priest who helps an injured traveler.
. . . and so much more.
Peek inside the garden gate.
(You know you want to.)
A dozen racy tales await.
Fifty Shades of Green is a collection of twelve delicious and erotic short stories with gardening themes. What you'll find in these pages is hotter than the hottest pepper on the Scoville index of heat! And smart, not smutty. Well . . . maybe a little smutty.
To Buy Fifty Shades of Green (it’s on sale, just for you):
Andrew Peters’ first Greek mythology-themed erotic story (about the last night that Patroclus spends with Achilles) appeared in the anthology Love Under Foot. He has also published a variety of short fiction and poetry, including two chapbooks, and has a forthcoming short story collection from Post Mortem Press. He teaches creative writing.
FREE Sample Stories!
To sample two free stories from Fifty Shades of Green visit our Garden Shorts website.
If you sign up for our newsletter you will be sent “Seed” (our sexy story about a community garden’s secret fertility ritual).
To read “Phallus Impudicus,” (a tale about the horny god Pan’s visit with a lonely gardener) just click on the Fifty Shades SAMPLE! tab